But the worst part of the day is that I completely binge ate. It's been so long since I've self sabotaged myself, and it hit today. I wasn't in a terrible mood, I wasn't emotionally eating, I was just eating crap. And lots of it. I was at my friend's house which is filled with (gluten free) junk food... (Side note: who knew so much junk food could be gluten free??? I thought that was code word for healthy but never would have put Cheetos, potato chips, chocolate covered peanuts, and m&ms in that list). Out of curiosity, I tried a couple bites of a lot of things (foods I don't have at my house) and then proceeded to keep nibbling on the good stuff all day long.
The old Christina would be sitting here right now, stuffed to the brim, and beating myself up one side and down the other. I would be calling myself ten kinds of horrible names, obsessively weighing myself, and planning a ridiculously low calorie meal plan and an intense sweat sesh for first thing in the morning.
But (yes there is a but!) I'm not stuffed, I had lots of little bites, licks, and nibbles, and a few too many handfuls of Cheetos, but I'm not stuffed to the brim. And tomorrow is my rest day from the gym, and I'd rather sunbathe and hang out with my family than get up for a 6 a.m. pre-church run. So for the first time ever, I'm going to let this one slide. I'm going to try to learn from it and then move on.
What I've learned:
* I need a game plan for unfamiliar settings. It's different at my house, where we have very little junk food and I have a set routine, this wasn't the case in this situation.
*I need to learn its okay to relax the rules (a lot) once in a while. I've been trying to "eat intuitively" and have been relaxing my strict eating rules a little bit, but I'm trying to learn that one day of crazy eating isn't going to undo all of my progress.
*Don't keep Cheetos in the house. I will eat the whole bag, yes even the family sized one. Nuff said.
*Have a portion, not a bunch of small bites. If I want a treat, I am the type of person that needs to measure out a portion of 1 or 2 treats and have that be it. All of my small bites add up to a whole lotta food throughout the day.
*I feel better when I eat healthy. No longer is it a chore to pre plan meals and eat veggies when my friends are eating chips. My body craves these things, and right now it is not happy with me for ignoring what it wants.
*Even after a binge, I will be okay. This one is MAJOR! Right now, I'm blogging instead of beating myself up. I'm relaxed. I still put on my bikini this afternoon, even after eating all that junk (I never used to do that). When I'm done blogging, I'm going to go sit by the fire with my family and roast marshmallows. And yes, I'm even going to eat a couple.
It's okay to let yourself off the hook once in awhile, so long as it doesn't become a habit. Tomorrow, I'll be right back on track, and in a few days this binge will be nothing more than a blip on the radar. This is being healthy to me and one binge isn't going to ruin all of that.